PART I — SETTING THE SCENE.. 10
1. Introduction — Why I Wrote This Book. 10
2. S.O.S. – The Science of Suffering. 12
2.1 What is suffering and why do men suffer ?. 12
2.2 So when is suffering “real” ?. 14
2.3 Buddha G.s take on suffering (extended reading). 15
3. Meet “da boys” and a warm up in non-judgement. 17
4. The Practice of being less-judgemental 32
PART II — UNDERSTANDING YOUR LOOPS. 35
5. Consciousness vs. the Thinker (Eckhart Tolle bootleg). 35
6. Introducing E.G.O. – the little menace running the show.. 37
7. The Subconscious — The music playing in the basement. 42
8. Remixing the old sample or “Your Family’s Greatest Hits”. 44
9. Common Loops and some strategies. 47
Loop 1: “Negative Beats… Positive”. 47
Loop 2. Shame+ guilt – forgiveness + acceptance: 50
Loop 3: Overthinking – “The remix no-one asked for”. 52
Loop 4: Procrastination & Avoidance. 53
Loop 5: People Pleasing & Shrinking. 57
Loop 6: Anger & Reactivity. 61
Loop 7: Escape Behaviours (or: Everyone’s Got a Door They Slip Out Of). 64
10. Lack of connection in a hyperconnected world. 65
10.1 Why Men Are Lonelier Than Ever — and What We Can Do About It. 65
10.2 INTERLUDE: My Story — The Quiet Kind of Loneliness. 67
10.3 What Men Can Do About Loneliness. 70
10.4. The Time Problem: Why Making Friends Gets Harder Later in Life. 71
III. Some tools and strategies that help to fix broken records. 72
11. MBX – self love, kindness and loving the ones you hate. 72
12. TALK TALK – watch how you talk to yourself. 76
13. Gratefulness, thankfulness and appreciation (GTA)– the great Gratefulness Practice. 78
14. “Don’t believe the hype” – or how to reduce your diet of negativity. 83
IV. Rock n` tales of resurrection. 85
“Men at work” a story of brilliance, tragedy, and hope. 85
Nick Drake – Troubled in Life, Victory in Time. 86
John Frusciante (Red Hot Chili Peppers) – Losing Everything Before Playing Like Himself. 86
Lee “Scratch” Perry – “Studio Burner“. 87
Sixto Rodriguez – “Searching for Sugar Man”. 87
My first poem – or a late take on bat-shit craziness (COVID): ……. 88
Visualization, Manifestitation, Emotionalization –. 89
“Climbing the Mountain of Life”. 89
Analog-y x: Stress, engineering and train rides. 96
“The 20-year school reunion”. 100
Blooper Reel 1: “The Barfight”. 102
Recommended reading + watching: 102
“Trauma/core wounds” and how they affect us – my story: 104
When Your Son Becomes Your Teacher. 105
About Me – Boris Wilhelmus. 106